


tell me a piece of your history (that you've never said out loud)

by keenkino



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, I apologise, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, This is kinda bad, and really kinda depressing, established binu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-03 00:10:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12737097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keenkino/pseuds/keenkino
Summary: Eunwoo seemed to turn out to be a major turning point in Bin’s life, teaching him that relationships were not supposed to hurt, teaching him that he was worth it.





	tell me a piece of your history (that you've never said out loud)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!! So I'm back after what feels like about a million years!!  
> Hope this isn't too bad I'm kinda rusty

Eunwoo had noticed every little thing about Bin, the good, the bad, everything. Most of all though, he noticed the worrying: Like the way his usually confident persona would crumble completely whenever somebody raised their voices even a decibel above normal, the way he was always checking over his shoulder whenever they were going anywhere, how he’d refuse to go out in the dark, how he’d apologise profusely even when he hadn’t made a mistake, how he’d flinch whenever Eunwoo ever so much had raised his hands in his direction, how he’d always insist on walking as far away from the kerb as he possibly could, and how he’d become a deer in the headlights whenever he was asked a question, trying his absolute damndest to scramble his way out of the situation.

 

Don’t get him wrong though, he knew that Bin had some anxiety issues, and at the urging of his parents had started going to regular counselling – and he had come a long way since he started but there were things that Bin just couldn’t shake off no matter how hard he tried.

 

Eunwoo tried to get himself to understand the ultimate root of his beloved’s anxiety issues, but he had only come to the conclusion that worried him the most. Sure, it could be nice to think that Bin’s anxiety had just sort of developed over time, as a result of the stresses of high school, but given Bin’s usual calmness with assingments because he always started them as soon as they were given, and that his usual confidence in himself meant it was unlikely that he was the subject of bullying at school (Eunwoo himself had enough experience with that). No, the only option that seemed rational (as much as he hated to admit it) to him was that somebody had hurt Bin in the past. That conclusion in itself was enough to make Eunwoo’s heart and stomach tie themselves up in knots. But it was the only one that really made any sense. Maybe Bin had a past he wanted to run from.

 

Of course, being the wonderful boyfriend he was, he would never pressure Bin to tell him. All he could do was make sure that Bin understood that he would be ready to listen whenever the time came, if it came at least. He wanted to be able to love Bin better but the realist in him knew that it just wasn’t possible. You can’t love somebody’s trauma away, no matter how much you try. That realisation only really hurt Eunwoo more, but it solidified in his heart that the best thing to do (if Bin really had something to run from) was make sure Bin understood that he had nothing to be scared of with him, and that he would keep Bin as far from harm’s way as he could manage.

* * *

 

Over the next months, Eunwoo had noticed other little things that made him worry about the past of the boy he held so dearly to his heart, but one thing stood clearest: Bin would refuse to go home, but instead, his parents would come to visit for a few days before they left for home without him. The winter break had passed and he had spent a grand total of 4 days not in their dorms – only venturing back to Eunwoo’s home so they could bring in the new year together. This only hightened his faith in the conclusion he had come to months ago. Bin was no longer in counselling at this point too, so the worst parts of his anxiety had gone, but he still held onto some of his triggers.

 

It had come to the point at which Eunwoo just had to know what had happened in Bin’s past. Yet, he knew that forcing it would be a bad idea, but there was one thing he just needed to know more than anything else. Now felt like the right time.

 

“Binnie?” Bin immediately looked up from where his head was on Eunwoo’s lap, his eyes growing wider with every passing second as Eunwoo tried to figure out how to word his next question.

 

 

“Why don’t you go home, like ever?” the question seemed to catch Bin by surprise and Eunwoo could just tell he was just scrambling through his thoughts trying to find any answer that made sense.

 

“Because I’m scared”, Bin’s voice quaking over the last word, his eyes filling with tears as he tried to regain control of his emotions.

 

“of what? Why are you scared?” Bin tries to get away from the situation in any way he can, but Eunwoo is fast enough to hold him in place. “Binnie, look at me”, he needed to find a way to get Bin to calm down, but Bin’s stablity seems to be faltering at a much faster rate than Eunwoo’s brain could ever think to work.

 

“I----I---I’m sorry” Bin’s apology could have easily have been predicted but by this point Eunwoo knew there was something more to this than just some anxiety.

 

“Tell me, please?” is all Eunwoo has to say to break through to Bin, currently racked with sobs and tears that must have been years overdue.

 

“I-It’s my ex, someone from long before I even knew you” came Bin’s voice, remarkably steady for his current state. He was ready to tell Eunwoo everything, like he had always planned. Bin’s resolve was back, but Eunwoo knew that after Bin had told him everything, he had to be ready just in case Bin needed to be put back together.

 

Bin told Eunwoo everything about his past relationship, every detail, every little story leaving his mouth like they’d been trying to burst out the entire time they’ve been together. Bin told him how when they first got together, he was essentially forced to drop all of his current friends, how he was made to spend every waking moment of each and every day in constant contact with them, told him about all the bruises, black eyes, all the mental scars that they had left – all from the person who claimed that they had loved Bin. Bin’s final story was about their breakup, and how this guy had made a vow to ‘make his life a living hell’ – and he tried, essentially harassing him to the point where Bin could no longer stay in his town, and so he ran. He ran as fast as he could, away from his past, running from love, until he met Eunwoo.

 

(Eunwoo seemed to turn out to be a major turning point in Bin’s life, teaching him that relationships were not supposed to hurt, teaching him that he was worth it.)

 

After Bin got the final story out, he could do nothing but burst into tears. Emotions long repressed were just flowing out and it wasn’t long before he was in the midst of a complete and utter emotional meltdown. As he clung closer and closer to Eunwoo’s chest, knuckles white at how hard he was grabbing at the back of Eunwoo’s shirt, Eunwoo could do nothing but hold him as close as he could, peppering small kisses onto Bin’s crown as the younger shook with his sobs. _He was Bin’s turning point._

 

As Bin started to calm down from his breakdown, Eunwoo could only wonder if he was ever going to find out that if he had never thought to ask the right questions, but those were questions for another day, for now, all he could do was use the words that sounded right.

 

“Hey…..Binnie?” his voice came out more hushed than he wanted it to but he _needed_ it to sound soft enough to not startle Bin.

 

“Yes” Bin sounded _so small. So helpless._

 

“I’m so sorry” _maybe apologising wasn’t the best idea._ “I had no idea” _he really didn’t._ He may have guessed that somebody had hurt his precious Binnie but hearing it all wasn’t something he was prepared for. “You didn’t deserve it” _he hoped Bin already knew that._

“Didn’t I?” Bin still sounded small and helpless but now there was a hint of sadness in his tone and it made Eunwoo’s heart twist.

 

“You didn’t. I promise.” Is all Eunwoo could muster.

 

“You won’t hurt me, will you?” Bin’s voice no longer sounded sad, but it still sounded like he was trying to hide from something.

 

“Never” Eunwoo _hoped_ that his sincerity shone through in his tone, but it wasn’t until he could feel Bin pressing his face into his shoulder that he could confirm that it had. Gently running a hand though Bin’s hair, Eunwoo could feel Bin moving himself closer to him, reaching a level of calm he probably hasn’t experienced in years.

 

“I promise” Bin _needed_ Eunwoo to remind him that he won’t let anything hurt Bin again. “Nothings gonna hurt you anymore. I love you” _his first I Love You to Bin._

 

Eunwoo could have sworn that Bin was asleep, but he distinctly hears Bin murmuring the same back.  

_Maybe their first proper I love yous came at a slightly unconventional time. But as long as they both meant it, they wouldn’t have had it any other way._


End file.
